


Eddy or Not

by orphan_account



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ed knows something Eddy doesn't know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eddy or Not

Double D knows everything about his best friends Ed and Eddy. He knows why Ed’s relationship with his family is so strained, and he knows from where Eddy gained all his sexual prowess. He knows why Ed spends so much time watching monster marathons alone in his room, and he knows why Eddy’s brother doesn’t live at home anymore (and hasn’t for quite some time). Double D also knows why he is sort of lucky that his parents are at best, a backhanded postscript compliment on a list of chores, and at worst, a neatly written reminder of the bandages they used for his childhood behavioral training on a sticky note.

Double D gingerly rubs the back of his head through the sturdy fabric of his hat before quickly removing his hands. He reminds himself that he is a good boy, and he has nothing to worry about now because he is a good boy, and he would _never_ do anything his parents considered devious ever again. He folds back the covers of his “sack” and tucks himself in, like he’s done every night since he was eight. It takes him a few hours to fall asleep, but it’s okay because sometimes it’s just like that and sometimes he can’t shut off his brain and sometimes he thinks too much and sometimes he feels like he barely closed his eyes ten minutes before his alarm goes off.

Double D knows everything about his best friends, but what Double D _doesn’t_ know is that his best friends Ed and Eddy also know everything about _him_. And he is terrified of that.

-

During school, Ed, Edd, and Eddy often do whatever they can to make sure they all have most of the same classes together, but this gets harder and harder for them every year as their individual requirements gradually begin to change. It was a lot easier in middle school when most kids take all the same classes to get the same general credits, but now the Eds are well into Grade 11 and they’re all on different graduation paths.

Edd is involved in Advanced Placement classes and his extracurricular activities are under a different branch than both Ed and Eddy’s. He’s enrolled in a new type of program that will allow him to earn his high school diploma and an associate’s degree at the same time. His parents consistently remind him that it is in everyone’s best interests for him to pursue something in the STEM field, and so most of his schedule revolves around that. He’s liked inventing since he was little, but it does get lonely at times when his friends aren’t there with him anymore. He hasn’t decided exactly “what he wants to be when he grows up,” but neither has anybody else he knows, so he keeps his electives generic. He’s fine with that. He keeps his parent’s pressure in his back pocket and tries to enjoy his last years of high school.

Eddy is taking (and failing) most of his regular classes but he loves learning about money and sales and advertising and _schmoozing_ especially _,_ so the administrators let him slide. He won’t earn a degree like Double D will, and his grades won’t look the best on college applications (if he decides to apply to one,) but he will sell himself on the grades that matter and the aspects of what make him a good asset, just like he’s always done. He piles his extracurricular courses with business, marketing, and economy classes and his grades do nothing but improve. He tries to show his parents and earn a few words of praise, but they really don’t care as long as he is passing. Eddy suspects that they wouldn’t really care if he wasn’t passing either, but he drops it and tries to be proud of himself enough for the both of them. Sometimes that’s hard.

Ed’s high school path is a little complicated. For some reason, he does really well in his history classes. Occasionally he can even correct _Double D_ on past events, which is funny considering how forgetful he is when it comes to the _Eds’_ history. In the summer between junior high and high school, Ed, his mother, and his teachers all sat down and created a special program just for him. As long as he continues to excel at history and pass all of his elective classes (which he fills up with things like art and story-telling because he gets way more than normal kids do), then he isn’t required to take other regular or remedial classes. Ed is doing well, and he’s just happy that he will graduate at the same time as his friends.

Lunch is one of the few periods in the week that they are all guaranteed to have together, so they make sure to make the most of it. Double D theorizes that Ed’s been eating rotten food for so long, fresh food might actually make the boy _sick_. He forces himself to stay out of Ed’s eating habits and watches out for him the best he can. A moldy-looking sandwich disappears quickly into Ed’s mouth, but it’s completely devoured before Double D can judge how much of it is actually a sandwich and how much of it is _something else_. They are both at their “Eds-only” outcast table, waiting for Eddy to take his place with a tray full of crap-ateria food. Eddy always says it’s “better’n what his parents woulda made for him”, but when Double D once offered to start bringing an extra lunch, Eddy scoffed. “Christ, Double D, what’ll the other kids think?” Eddy was only joking, but Edd knew better than to bring it up after that. Indeed, what _would_ the other kids think, and why hadn’t Edd thought of that first? He drops the issue, and lets his Eds eat their horrible food while he is forced to make his own at home every night. At least they are all eating.

-

Sometimes when the Eds have a three-day weekend or are on holiday, they all hang out in someone’s room and it doesn’t take long for Eddy to convince them to do something a little _naughty._ Usually this means the host will steal from their parents’ alcohol collection and the boys will enjoy a little buzz together. Double D’s house has wine (classy!), Ed’s dad drinks beer (yuck, but it’ll do), and Eddy’s house is the best, because Eddy’s brother showed him where all the liquor is stashed away (but Eddy never talks about why his brother showed him that).

Today, it’s Eddy’s turn to host their illicit little shindig. To humor Ed and celebrate spring break, they decide to watch an old B-list horror movie and take shots and sips every time they hear the classic Wilhelm and Howie screams. It doesn’t take longer than thirty minutes for Double D’s face to turn red as he fails to convince the other two he isn’t drunk. Shortly thereafter Ed is holding his sides and attempting to stifle his giggling. Eddy is enjoying himself but isn’t a lightweight like them, so it takes alcohol a bit longer to flow through his system. Once it does, though, the Eds are all in fits of laughter and holding each other, somehow ending up sitting in a circle on the floor.

They finish off a frosty Smirnoff Birthday Cake Vodka, objectively the best flavor, and decide to play spin-the-bottle with the empty container. Under a variety of truths and dares, Ed ends up streaking around the cul-de-sac, which his friends actually manage to get him to do twice. Eddy confesses that he used to be jealous of Kevin but blows it off, and he is also dared to let the Eds dive into his magazine stash. Edd is dared to take off his hat but declines and because they’re playing house rules, the alternative for declining a dare is downing a shot of Eddy’s brother’s Armenian hot sauce. Edd takes it like a champ though, claiming that they’ve already seen what’s under his hat and it was a boring dare anyhow. They all continue taking shots of a second bottle of vodka and rolling around on the floor.

“Say boys, why din’t we ever think of gettin’ the kids drunk before scammin’ ‘em?” Eddy ponders. “We coulda made _bank_. They’da bought _anything_.”

Double D giggles, but he’s still a goody-two-shoes at heart. “No inebriating the _pigeons_ , Eddy.”

Eddy’s eyes light up. “I _like it_ when you talk like that!”

“I know, Eddy,” Double D says, fluttering his eyelashes, and all three of them throw their arms around each other in camaraderie.

They continue to dare each other as teenage boys would and sometimes they ask each other things that they don’t know how to answer but laugh off anyway. At some point, Eddy has to pee so he hobbles over to his bathroom and the game continues without him.

“So, Ed-Double-D,” Ed giggles, his eyes looking even further apart in different directions than they normally do, “do you want to crush anybody? Oh, uh, I mean,”—he breaks into a fit of giggles—“do you have a crush on anybody?”

“Edward, please!” Double D laughs. “I didn’t even get to pick between truth or dare!”

“I said truth, Double D! Gee, you should get your ears checked, mister.”

“Whatever you say, ya big lug.” His hands feebly search for the container of alcohol but he accidentally grabs the hot sauce instead. “What was the question…? A crush? I suppose the truth is that…” He takes a swig of the hot sauce, thinking it’s vodka, and continues, “Eddy is the object of my affections...eep!” He covers his mouth, halfway due to the hot sauce burning his tongue and halfway due to realizing what he’s just confessed. Ed is coyly covering his own mouth and trying not giggle, and Edd desperately begs his friend, “Ed, please! You must never tell!” Ed waves Double D’s plea off and reassures him that mum’s the word, but Ed has never been good at keeping secrets. Mum has definitely never been the word.

The toilet flushes pointedly and the bathroom door swings open. Ed and Double D crane their heads around to look at Eddy because oh lord oh lord Edd hopes he didn’t hear that and oh boy oh boy is Ed going to ruin everything.

“Wha’d I miss, boys?” Eddy asks, falling down into his spot on the floor. He props himself up on a hand behind his back and coolly looks at Double D.

“N-n-nothing at all!” Double D lies. He finds the original bottle of vodka he’s been looking for, but he knows now that he’s said too much and attempts to close it off once and for all. He fumbles with the cap and manages only a loose half-turn before knocking the bottle over. There’s no _real_ threat of spilling its precious contents since the cap _is_ technically on, but Eddy still keeps a watchful eye and barks “Hey, hey, hey! What’re ya doin’?” He grasps at its neck so that the lid doesn’t pop off and at the same time, Ed grabs the bottom end of the bottle. It just so happens to be pointed at Eddy, so Ed asks Eddy the burning question: truth or dare?

“Hey,” Double D whines, “how come _he_ gets a cho—” but Eddy mirthfully interrupts.

“Dare!”

Double D’s mouth hangs open as he gives Eddy an incredulous look. While alcohol is swimming in his veins and making it hard to concentrate, he’s certain that he hears Ed say the words “kiss” and “Double D”. He hopes he’s wrong as he turns to look at his other friend, as if his eyesight will make his ears work better. Before Edd’s eyes can even focus, however, two rough hands press themselves against his cheeks and swivel his head towards their owner’s face. Before he can really process what’s happening, Edd and Eddy’s lips are mashed together.

It’s almost painful, the way Eddy’s mouth crams into Edd’s, smooshing his lips up against his teeth and nose, but it’s also almost really nice, and he couldn’t move even if he wanted to. Eddy’s thumbs are settled against Double D’s cheekbones and the rest of his fingers are pressing just underneath his hat. Double D can feel heat spreading from his mouth to his forehead but he’s 100 percent sure it’s not from the hot sauce.

Edd expects time to freeze so that he can memorize every aspect of the kiss, or for a moment of heavy, awkward silence to follow because that’s what everything up until now has told him it would be like. The sad truth is that the kiss only lasts a couple of seconds before Eddy pulls away with a loud _smack!_ and crosses his arms over his gut, laughing loudly.

Double D is quiet as he realizes that Eddy left something wet on his lips. He can’t tell if it’s sweat or spit or vodka, or a combination of all three, and he sort of wishes Eddy would kiss him again. A moment later, Ed laughs and says, “Oh boy, you two are so naughty!” which makes Eddy laugh even louder and now Double D is distraught because yes, he has been very naughty, but it’s not because he is underage and drinking.

Eddy must mistake Double D’s trying-to-figure-something-out face for his pissed off face, because he says, “Lighten _up_ , sockhead,” and throws an arm around him, pulling him to his side. This _really_ confuses Edd, who now has even _more_ that he needs to figure out, and Eddy continues, “’Snot like we ain’t ever kissed before, _geez_.”

Now Double D is just handing out incredulous looks, and he shouts at Eddy. “Excuse me! But _you_ were the one who wouldn’t let me make you lunch because of what our peers would think!”

Eddy’s brow furrows for a moment before he bursts into laughter, which triggers Double D’s actual pissed off face. Eddy says, “I completely forgot about that! _Man_ can you hold a grudge!”

“I would _hardly_ constitute recalling the concern for one of my best friend’s well-being being tossed in my face a _grudge_!” Edd pouts and crosses his arms over his chest, and Eddy scolds him for not being able to speak English even when he’s drunk.

“You said ‘being being’,” Ed laughs loudly, pointing a finger at Double D as he falls onto his back. Double D rolls his eyes while Eddy snickers.

“If ya wanna make me lunch, Double D, just _do_ it. I ain’t denyin’ free food!”

“But you did when I initially offered it!”

“Heeey,” Eddy coos. “Relax, hot stuff.” His grip on Double D tightens just a little, which makes his tummy do a flip. “I’m tellin’ ya _nooow_ …” He speaks a little softer. “I ain’t gonna deny yer free food.” He gives Double D a smile that looks so sincere it makes his heart flip a couple times, too, but like the kiss, it ends far too quickly before Eddy’s laughter fills the room again. “Let’s finish the movie, boys, we’ve got another half a bottle’a vodka to go.” Eddy pushes himself off the floor, and all Edd can think about is how tall Eddy’s gotten, and how his shoulders have filled out, and how nice Eddy’s stubble felt against his face, and my, Eddy is affectionate when he’s drunk. He also thinks about how Eddy is really starting to look like his older brother, but Double D knows better than to ever say that out loud.

-

It has been one week since spring break ended.

On Friday, Eddy’s had it up to _here_ with the daily taunting Ed’s been giving him since then.

“I know something you don’t know, I know something you don’t know!” Ed skips in circles around Eddy as they wait outside for Double D, who has a whole slew of his own problems that have been annoying him. It’s been approximately 192 hours since Eddy kissed Edd, and Edd has spent at least 80 hours obsessing over it, but not in any kind of mushy gooey way that has him on cloud nine.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Ed! Shut up if yer not gonna tell me!” Eddy yells, but Ed isn’t scared of very much anymore. When Eddy chases him around the school parking lot, Ed just laughs it off and continues teasing him.

Double D is sure that Ed’s ruined everything by now, because that’s what he always does, and he’s also sure that the other two are teaming up to humiliate him, because that’s what they always do. He just wishes that they would have _done_ it already. It’s been too long for them to keep dragging it out like this, and if he was going to be friendless for the rest of his life he would rather it occur sooner than later.

Like a bandage.

Double D catches his friends and they simmer down enough to keep the peace as they begin the trek home together. It doesn’t take long for Ed to start up his incessant taunting though, and the tension between all three this past week has been so thick because of it that it’s a matter of time before someone loses it.

“I know something you don’t know!” Ed teases. Now he’s done it.

“I thought we were over this, Navi!” Eddy chases Ed across the street. “Shut up already!”

“I know something you don’t know!”

Double D’s grip tightens on his backpack.

Eddy emits a loud, frustrated groan.

“I know something you don’t know!”

Double D purses his lips so hard his mouth turns white.

Eddy catches Ed by the collar, and they begin to roll around in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

“I know something you don’t know!”

Double D squeezes his eyes so tight he sees phosphenes.

Eddy’s mouth opens, but it’s Double D’s voice that cries out. He speaks very fast.

“Ed! Enough! Eddy, I have a crush on you! There, Ed! Now he knows! Now you don’t know anything he doesn’t know! Can we _please_ end this now? I have a headache from all the yelling…” All of his muscles are tense and he realizes he’s covering his eyes with one hand. He peeks through his fingers and sees that Ed and Eddy are frozen mid-wrestle. Eddy has one of Ed’s legs up in the air while his other hand is clenched into a fist, and Ed just sort of looks like a pretzel. “If you’re going to discontinue our friendship over it, I suggest you do it quickly!”

Eddy stands up, pulling Ed up with him, and with his hands in his pockets he walks over to Edd. Double D whines about _why must Eddy torture him so?_ and _please end the friendship swiftly if that is his intention_ , but Eddy cuts him off.

“I know.” Eddy shrugs and Double D looks at him for a minute. Ed, finally silenced after a week of endless torment, produces a bucket of popcorn from an inner pocket and munches away.

“You know?”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“I knew.”

“You _knew?_ ”

“Will you cut it out with the Who’s on First crap? I’m tryna have a moment with you.” Eddy removes one hand from his pocket and wraps it around Double D’s shoulders, pulling him into his side. “I dunno how to tell ya this, but you ain’t the best at hidin’ stuff.” The color drains from Edd’s face, but Eddy is quick to reassure him. “Don’t have a cow, sockhead. I’m just tryin’ to tell you…y’know…” Eddy trails off, realizing this is a little harder than he thought. He looks down and quickly mutters, “I like you, too.” He peers at Edd, whose face is paler than Eddy thought possible, and adds, “I woulda toldja earlier but I was waitin’ on you to say somethin’. Took ya long enough.”

A confetti of popcorn sprays over the three Eds as Ed springs up in the air and dog piles onto his two best friends. “My ship is canon!” He laughs loudly and they all fall onto the concrete, Eddy and Double D’s backs on the ground while Ed lies on top of them. “And it didn’t even take a movie this time.”

There’s a slight pause before Eddy starts laughing, and Edd, whose mind has been blank for the past three minutes, slowly catches up with what’s happening. Double D feels the familiar rough hand that once swiveled his head into his first kiss snake underneath Ed’s body and grasp his hand. He begins to laugh and grasps it back while he and Eddy’s free hands both wrap around Ed. They allow themselves this moment of peace, clarity, and laughter to lie in the middle of the street and hold each other.

Double D knows everything about his best friends, and his best friends Ed and Eddy also know everything about him, and now Double D doesn’t have as much to be afraid of.


End file.
